My BFF Maleficent

Last night I went to see Maleficent. I didn’t hate it, but I also was a bit disappointed by it. It’s good stand alone movie, very predictable, but still decently done. When compared to the 1959 film, from which it is based on, it leaves the viewer in a state of frustration and confusion. Here’s why:

Sleeping Beauty is one of Disney’s most iconic fairy tales ever. Princes Aurora is on almost every single piece of Disney Princess memorabilia, and her story is known worldwide. Maleficent is a bad bitch. She don’t give NO fucks and is evil just cuz…or so we thought. Maleficent tells the background story of the famous villain in the same way the stage musical Wicked does. The story is tied in with the Disney version, but there are quite a few changes. No, there are MANY changes, like it’s almost entirely different.

In the original Disney version, Maleficent shows up to King Stefan’s castle on the day of Princess Aurora’s christening celebration. Three fairies are giving her magical gifts when Maleficent comes in to fuck shit up. For no apparent reason, other than not being invited to the bad ass party, she casts a spell on the baby saying she will grow up and on her 16th birthday she “will prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and die!” This part was always a favorite of mine because it was so dramatic that it was kind of funny. Anyway, so then she vanishes with her bff and spy, a crow, and bam she’s gone. One of the fairies goes up to the baby and since she hadn’t given her a magical gift, she decides her gift will be to not let Aurora die, but to fall into a deep sleep which can only be broken by true love’s kiss. #omg #noway

I’m hoping you all know the rest of the story but just in case, here’s the short version. King Stefan tells the fairies to take her into the woods to a cottage where they will raise her until she’s 16 and a day old. That way Maleficent won’t harm her before then and the curse won’t happen. This dude clearly doesn’t understand prophecies, they happen as they are told, you can’t change them bro. Well Aurora grows up, but all this time Maleficent has been wanting to find her but she never does. She sends her crow to find her. He does. Aurora is out in the wilderness one day, singing a song, when she runs in to Prince Phillip. They sing together, dance a little, they look into each other’s eyes and get all hot, then he leaves. On Aurora’s 16th birthday Maleficent finds her, hypnotizes her into going to the castle, lures her to a spinning wheel and bam, night night Princess Aurora, who at this point we can call the “Sleeping Beauty.” Get it? It’s cuz she’s asleep now 😛 Maleficent is all excited that her plan worked out and she even finds out about Prince Phillip, who she locks in a dungeon so he won’t be all up in the business meddling and what not. But then he’s freed by the fairies. He’s set on finding Maleficent and fighting for the girl he loves, you know, the one he had just met a few days prior. He finds her and is ready to fight. She’s just gonna use some magic to kill him when all of a sudden the faeries turn her crow into stone. Oh hell naw, Maleficent is like “WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT YOU GUYS?” So she turns into a dragon, fights, loses, Prince Phillip kisses Aurora and yay the day is saved.

That wasn’t very short, but it’s all important. Why? Because basically NONE of that happened in the movie Maleficent. Here’s the entire plot, spoilers ahead (obvi).

Maleficent is actually a fairy herself. But a human sized fairy, not a tiny lil cute magical one. She lives in a free kingdom, called the Moors, which is right next to a kingdom ruled by a rude ass king. She has wings and horns. The horns were like the 1959 version, but the wings were something new. Not used to seeing them, but hey, I ain’t mad. One day she meets a young boy, she’s never seen a human up close this before, she’s intrigued. They chat for a bit and decide they’ll be friends. Oh, guess what is name is. C’mon take a wild guess. Ready? STEFAN. Yeah. I know. Okay, so they’re friends and there’s a montage of them growing up and being bffs, then one day when they’re teenagers, he gives her a gift which he calls…*dun dun dun* A TRUE LOVE’S KISS. WHAT. Similarities much? I was so excited cuz I could already see how Disney was tying in elements of the older movie. Time flashes forward to Maleficent as an adult, Angelina Jolie is now in the picture. She’s a protector of her lil kingdom and everything is peachy, except for one thing. Stefan hasn’t visited her in a long ass time. We find out he’s become a king’s guard or knight or some shit. He works for the castle/the king. The king goes to the Moors and wants to fight the supposed magic that lies within the kingdom. Maleficent shows up and tells him to leave, but homeboy wants to fight. So she calls upon her woodland friends to fight back with her. She wins, he is injured and retreats. Back at the castle he’s dying and says to the people around him, “avenge my death by bringing me her head, and whoever does so will be the next king.” Stefan is like “fuck yeah dude!” So he goes to the Moors, finds Maleficent, apologizes for not visiting in a while. They make up, hang for a bit, then he drugs her with some roofies or some shit. While she is knocked out he plans on killing her, but he feels guilty about it. So instead he cuts of her wings. Her big, beautiful, majestic wings. It’s the next day and she when she wakes up she’s in pain. She realizes what happened and starts screaming/crying. She picks up a stick and turns it in to a staff (this is the first time we realize she has magical abilities). As she’s walking around, the kingdom gets darker and sad. The creatures in the land are now scared of her. While she’s walking she stumbles upon a field where a man has captured a crow. She turns the crow into a man and he escapes. He runs into Maleficent and thanks her for transforming him. He vows to be in her service for anything she needs. This is the crow from the other story. One day while he is spying for her, he goes to the castle and sees that Stefan is now king. He returns to Maleficent and she is super pissed. He also tells her he is hosting a christening for a baby girl. Maleficent smirks and the next thing we see is the party. While the fairies are doing their thing (the magical gift thing), Maleficent shows up. King Stefan recognizes her and he is now super terrified.  She goes up to the baby and casts her curse, BUT it’s not the same one as the other story. Maleficent doesn’t curse her to die, but to “fall into a sleeplike death which no power on Earth could destroy.” Then she turns to the king and says there is only one thing that could break the spell….TRUE. LOVE’S. KISS. THE SAME MOTHA FUCKIN KISS HE TOLD HE GAVE HER WHEN THEY WERE KIDS. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. #drama

The story remains the same afterward, he tells the fairies to take of her and to live in the woods until the day after her 16th birthday.

But then things got REAL different. Maleficent watches her grow up. From baby to 16 year old. And they fucking become friends. F-R-I-E-N-D-S. Aurora even believes Maleficent is her fairy godmother. And when she asks her about it, she didn’t even say no!!! She is now very fond of her!!! NO! WHY IS SHE BEING NICE?! SHE’S A BAD BITCH WHO IS PURE EVIL >:| She even tries to take the curse away but like her spell states, no power on earth can destroy it. All this time, King Stefan is super paranoid. He’s going crazy. Then Aurora meets Phillip and blah blah blah, no singing this time. She goes to the fairies and tells them she wants to live in the woods with Maleficent. They freak out and tell her what she did. She confronts Maleficent and starts crying. She feels betrayed and heartbroken, but Maleficent doesn’t react (or at least she tries not to). Aurora runs away and heads to the castle. Oh by the way, this is her 16th birthday…King Stefan sees her and makes no reaction, he locks her in a room until it can be midnight when the cursed day passes. But Aurora is restless and wants to get out. She manages to escape but is right away hypnotized by the curse. She finds the spinning wheel and falls asleep. Maleficent is on her way to save her but she is too late. She is bringing Phillip so that his kiss can save her but his kiss fails. The fairies take him out and are on the search for someone else. Maleficent goes to her body, cries, says how sorry she is, kisses her forehead and WHAT DO YOU KNOW, SLEEPING BEAUTY WAKES THE FUCK UP. They make up and try to leave the castle. But King Stefan is ready. They have a huge battle, and while this is happening, Aurora finds Maleficent’s wings, releases them and magically they attach back on. She fights the king one on one. As they fight he falls off a tower and dies. Aurora becomes queen, the kingdoms unite and everyone is happy. Bye.

Ugh, well that was long but you needed to know all this before I could tell you how I felt about this movie. Look, it’s good, but really, how predictable was it? But most of all, why was it so happy? Like I mentioned earlier, Wicked stuck true to the story of The Wizard of Oz and had fun tie ins, but the witch still decided she was evil. The song “No Good Deed” is all about that. (look it up, it’s actually a great song) I was really hoping Disney would tell the dark story of Maleficent and how she became an entity of pure evil. They were on a great route with the Stefan broken love/friendship story line, but her being so cool with Aurora really bugged me. Yeah Aurora didn’t do anything to hurt Maleficent but still, evil is evil. Voldemort never showed any kind of kindness or empathy, he was just pure hate. The story should have stayed true to the previous one we know, but only told through the eyes of Maleficent. But nope, it was the sugary cute story of how Maleficent and Aurora became bffls.

Not all things were bad. The technical elements of the movie were great. The imagery and special effects were pretty on point. Very believable, very clean, and enticing to watch. Angelina Jolie was also great. She gave a cool persona to the Maleficent they were trying to convey. The score fit the movie well, the Lana del Rey cover of  “Once Upon a Dream” is of course awesome. But really I felt I was trying really hard to like the movie more than I did.

I liked it, but it certainly isn’t what I was expecting. I was very disappointed, but only because I had a pre-envisioned story in my mind. I give Maleficent a 5 out of 10. As a stand-alone film, not compared to the 1959 version, I don’t think it was that bad. But really I was just hoping for something much darker.

 

 

WILT: Bourgeois by Phoenix