Emmy-oh my!

emmysLike many people out there, I’ve always been a major fan of TV. It’s the most accessible form of entertainment at home. She was basically my babysitter for my entire childhood. Thanks mom…jk no really mom if you’re reading this thank you for every single thing you’ve ever done for me I love you and I just want to make you proud bye.

Though there are some completely incredible shows on air, I feel like it hasn’t been until the most recent year that TV has really stepped its game up. There is so much good TV out there right now. Like seriously. LIFE CHANGING. (not really but you know what I mean.)When film style production made its way on to the small screen in early 2000s, the quality trend became more and more obvious. TV wasn’t just about entertainment, these producers and writers were trying to create something which was going to leave a lasting impression.

Like all major forms of entertainment, there is a central society(or academy in this situation) where awards are given out to celebrate and honor the year’s best  achievements. The 2015 Primetime Emmy Awards are Monday August 25th and will be hosted by Late Night host and  former SNL cast member Seth Meyers.

SM emmys

My love for TV has motivated me to give my predictions for this year’s show. While I haven’t seen all of the shows I’m about to talk about, I have seen many of them. I’ve read up on the major predictions and from my research to my own experience, I’ve compiled my own list of predictions.

I’ll go by category and in each category I’ll narrow down the nominees to who “SHOULD WIN,” and “WILL WIN.” So let’s start this thang shall we?


Outstanding Comedy Series:

“The Big Bang Theory”
“Modern Family”
“Orange is the New Black”
“Silicon Valley”


SHOULD WIN: “Orange is the New Black”

It’s funny, OITNB is sometimes considered a drama, but the Emmys considered it a comedy. Don’t get me wrong I completely agree, but it’s interesting how it’s hard to classify this show. Anyway. OITNB was is a fantastic show. So smartly written, great character development, really funny, super dramatic. It’s just all around great. The Netflix original is really setting a new wave to the other TV networks where. If you haven’t checked it out before, I highly recommend it and I really hope it wins this year’s award.

WILL WIN: “Modern Family”

It’s funny. No questions about it. And it’s really cute and fun. But why is it going to win this year? I’ll just say this, MF has won Outstanding Comedy Series EVERY YEAR THAT IT HAS BEEN NOMINATED. Yeah.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series:


Louis CK, “Louie”
Don Cheadle, “House of Lies”
Ricky Gervais, “Derek”
Matt LeBlanc, “Episodes” 
William H. Macy, “Shameless”
Jim Parsons, “The Big Bang Theory”

This category is hard because I don’t watch most of these shows. I watch “Shameless” but that’s about it. Great show, but eh, not gonna win. So I’m going off what I’ve read up. #sorrynotsorry


This dude is so funny. His stand up is great and I’m sure he’s great in “Louie!” I’ve just never seen it.

WILL WIN: Jim Parsons

Again, this dude has won so many times before. He’s likely going to win again. I really don’t care for TBBT but I guess people like it so whatever.

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series:


Lena Dunham, “Girls”
Edie Falco, “Nurse Jackie”
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, “Veep”
Melissa McCarthy, “Mike & Molly”
Amy Poehler, “Parks and Recreation”
Taylor Schilling, “Orange is the New Black”

While I love OITNB, I HATE, absolutely LOATHE Taylor Schilling’s character Piper Chapman. Ugh I just want her to die. But the friggin show is about her so whatever bye.

SHOULD WIN: Amy Poehler. Why she hasn’t won before is beyond me. Her portrayal of Leslie Knope is one of the best comedic performances I’ve ever encountered. She’s so spot on perfect for this role. She deserves some recognition in this category.

WILL WIN: Julia Louis-Dreyfus. I love Amy, but man, JLD is fucking hilarious as VPOTUS Selina Meyer. I mean it’s raunchy, it’s political satire, it’s great. Plus she’s won for this award before.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series:


Fred Armisen, “Portlandia”
Andre Braugher, “Brooklyn Nine-Nine”
Ty Burrell, “Modern Family”
Adam Driver, “Girls”
Jesse Tyler Ferguson, “Modern Family”
Tony Hale, “Veep”

SHOULD WIN: Tony Hale. Buster Bluth! This dude won this award last year and he definitely deserves it. He’s so funny in Veep.

WILL WIN: A lot of people think Andre Braugher will win, but I think it’ll likely be Ty Burrell from MF. Again, he’s won before and his character is by far the funniest one on MF. He’s so good.

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series:


Mayim Bialik, “The Big Bang Theory”
Julie Bowen, “Modern Family”
Anna Chlumsky, “Veep”
Allison Janney, “Mom”
Kate McKinnon, “Saturday Night Live”
Kate Mulgrew, “Orange is the New Black”

SHOULD WIN: Kate Mulgrew. She’s the feisty “Red” in OITNB. She’s turning out to be one of the most interesting characters of the whole show. I had no idea her Russian accent was fake. I thought she was legit Russian! #whaaat

WILL WIN: Mulgrew or Allison Janney. I haven’t seen “Mom” but I hear she’s pretty funny in it.

TV Movies and Miniseries

Outstanding TV Movie:


“Killing Kennedy”
“Muhammed Ali’s Greatest Fight”
“The Normal Heart”
“Sherlock: His Last Vow”
“The Trip to Bountiful”

SHOULD WIN: “Sherlock: His Last Vow.” OOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGG This season 3 finale of Sherlock was FUCKING RIDICCCCCC. I love Sherlock, it’s an amazing BBC show which is broadcast in the US on PBS. #abbreviations But this episode in particular was so crazy. Definitely not gonna give anything away, just check it out. It’s on Netflix. GO NOW.

WILL WIN: “The Normal Heart.” Like I said, I am really rooting for Sherlock and I definitely think it has a chance, but TNH was all the rage on HBO. It has gotten rave reviews and it’s one of those movies that talks about a highly popularized issue, AIDS. Like the Oscars, make a movie about war, slavery, or AIDS and you’re more than likely going to win.

Outstanding Miniseries:


“American Horror Story: Coven”
“Bonnie & Clyde”
“The White Queen”

SHOULD/WILL WIN: Ugh, I’m torn. I am a huge AHS fan and this was by far, BY FAR, the best season yet. This season was all about witches and man was it fun to watch. If you want to get hooked on a new show, watch “AHS: Coven” as soon as it’s available. However, with that being said, “Fargo” should and likely will win it. It was such a great series. I wrote an entire blog about it. http://goo.gl/CQLXKq Great acting, great story, extremely entertaining. “Fargo” is going to take it.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Miniseries or Movie:


Benedict Cumberbatch, “Sherlock: His Last Vow”
Chiwetel Ejiofor, “Dancing on the Edge”
Idris Elba, “Luther”
Martin Freeman, “Fargo”
Mark Ruffalo, “The Normal Heart”
Billy Bob Thornton, “Fargo”

This is going to be one of the toughest acting categories. So many great performances which all qualify for an Emmy.

SHOULD WIN: Again, I’m torn. I think Benedict Cumberbatch is one of the best versions of Sherlock Holmes I have ever seen. He is witty, quick, and so consumed by his role. BUT, Martin Freeman really does it for me in Fargo. He’s a great example of how characters develop and become completely new people in the end. It’s a new role for this actor and I think he played him flawlessly. Fun fact, Martin Freeman plays Cumberbatch’s partner in crime Dr. Watson in Sherlock, a role he is also nominated for! CONFUSED?! THAT’S OKAY!

WILL WIN: Billy Bob Thornton. He’s a psycho serial killer in “Fargo.” He is known for playing the creepy guy and this is no exception. He’s creepy and determined, two attributes which lead to a chaotic story. It was hard not to like him.

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Miniseries or Movie:


Helena Bonham Carter, “Burton and Taylor”
Minnie Driver, “Return to Zero”
Jessica Lange, “American Horror Story: Coven”
Sarah Paulson, “American Horror Story: Coven”
Cicely Tyson, “The Trip to Bountiful”
Kristen Wiig, “Spoils of Babylon”

This is going to be a battle of the supremes. No not the 1960s girl group, I’m talking about the HBIC of the witch world.

SHOULD/WILL WIN: Though Sarah Paulson really does the best acting she has ever done in the three season of AHS, Jessica Lange is the ultimate Supreme. She is a bad bitch in every season and this one was the best showcase of her talent.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Miniseries or Movie:


Matt Bomer, “The Normal Heart”
Martin Freeman, “Sherlock: His Last Vow”
Colin Hanks, “Fargo”
Joe Mantello, “The Normal Heart”
Alfred Molina, “The Normal Heart”
Jim Parsons, “The Normal Heart”

SHOULD WIN: Martin Freeman. His characterization of Dr. John Watson has something that just draws you to love him. He really takes this character and becomes him. Martin Freeman is insanely talented and in the episode of “Sherlock” for which he is nominated, he best shows off his acting chops.

WILL WIN: Matt Bomer. He’s all the blogs can talk about. I haven’t seen TNH but I hear he’s pretty awesome. More than likely someone from TNH will win. I mean, of the six nominated actors, four are from TNH.

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie:


Angela Basset, “American Horror Story: Coven”
Kathy Bates, “American Horror Story: Coven”
Ellen Burstyn, “Flowers in the Attic”
Francis Conroy, “American Horror Story: Coven”
Julia Roberts, “The Normal Heart”
Allison Tolman, “Fargo”

Again, this one I am torn.

SHOULD WIN: Angela Basset or Allison Tolman. Angela Basset plays the bad bitch Marie Laveau, a voodoo witch with crazy powers. She commands the screen and is so fun to watch. But Allison Tolman is fucking awesome in “Fargo.” She gets more and more interesting as her scenes come on the screen. Definitely gonna be a good toss-up between these two. That is..if Julia Roberts doesn’t win.

WILL WIN: Julia Roberts. TNH, everyone loves it, apparently she’s great too. Haven’t seen it. Over it. Critics love her. She’s an Oscar winner. She played a hooker once. Bye.

Eh, most of these are speculation so I’m not going to write much content other than my predictions. Lazy of me? Yep.

Variety/Reality Programs:

Outstanding Variety Series:

“The Colbert Report”

“The Daily Show with Job Stewart”

“Jimmy Kimmel Live!”

“Real Time with Bill Maher”

“Saturday Night Live”

“The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon”

SHOULD WIN: “The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon”

WILL WIN: “The Daily Show with Job Stewart”

Outstanding Reality-Competition Program:

“The Amazing Race”

“Dancing with the Stars”

“Project Runway”

“So You Think You Can Dance”

“Top Chef”

“The Voice”

SHOULD WIN: “Project Runway”

WILL WIN: “The Amazing Race”


Outstanding Directing for a Comedy Series:

“Episodes” (Episode: “Episode Nine”), Directed by Iain B. MacDonald (Showtime)

“Glee” (Episode: “100”), Directed by Paris Barclay (Fox)

“Louie” (Episode: “Elevator, Part 6”), Directed by Louis C.K. (FX)

“Modern Family” (Episode: “Las Vegas”), Directed by Gail Mancuso (ABC)

“Orange Is the New Black”(Episode: “Lesbian Request Denied”), Directed by Jodie Foster (Netflix)

“Silicon Valley” (Episode: “Minimum Viable Product”), Directed by Mike Judge (HBO)

SHOULD WIN: Jodie Foster for OITNB

WILL WIN: Gil Mancuso for Modern Family

Outstanding Directing for a Drama Series:

“Boardwalk Empire” (Episode: “Farewell Daddy Blues”), Directed by Tim Van Patten(HBO)

“Breaking Bad” (Episode: “Felina”), Directed by Vince Gilligan (AMC)

“Downton Abbey” (Episode: “Episode One”), Directed by David Evans (PBS)

“Game of Thrones” (Episode: “The Watchers on the Wall”), Directed by Neil Marshall (HBO)

“House of Cards” (Episode: “Chapter 14”), Directed by Carl Franklin (Netflix)

“True Detective” (Episode: “Who Goes There”), Directed by Cary Joji Fukunaga (HBO)

SHOULD/WILL WIN: Vince Gilligan for “Breaking Bad” no question here.


Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series:

SHOULD/WILL WIN: “I Wasn’t Ready” from OITNB written by Liz Friedman & Jenji Kohan

Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series:

SHOULD WIN: “Ozymandias” from “Breaking Bad” written by Moira Walley-Beckett

WILL WIN: “Felina” from “Breaking Bad” written by Vince Gilligan

Outstanding Writing for a Variety Series:

SHOULD/WILL WIN: “The Colbert Report”

Outstanding Writing for a Miniseries, Movie, or a Dramatic Special:

SHOULD WIN: “Sherlock: His Last Vow” written by Steven Moffat

WILL WIN: “The Normal Heart” written by Larry Kramer

And finally we round this entire prediction list out with the hardest general category…


Outstanding Drama Series:


“Breaking Bad”
“Downton Abbey”
“Game of Thrones”
“House of Cards”
“Mad Men”
“True Detective”

Man, if I had to vote this year, it would be a four way split. These shows are fantastic and really it could go in any direction, but if I had to bet my money on just one, there’s only once choice I’d go with.

SHOULD/WILL WIN: “Breaking Bad.” The series was concluded last TV season and there’s no better way to send off quite possibly the best television show EVER than with an Emmy for being the best.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series:


Bryan Cranston, “Breaking Bad”
Jeff Daniels, “The Newsroom”
Jon Hamm, “Mad Men”
Woody Harrelson, “True Detective”
Matthew McConaughey, “True Detective”
Kevin Spacey, “House of Cards”

SHOULD WIN: Kevin Spacey. Frank Fucking Underwood. This dude is the smoothest, the most hardcore mother fucker on TV (well Netflix..). He is a bad ass and he deserves a million awards for his role on “House of Cards.”

*I’d gladly want Bryan Cranston to win, and he might! But his final season in “Breaking Bad” was a bit lack luster, especially the episode for which he is nominated.

WILL WIN: Matthew McConaughey. UGH. This is a good example of PR working its way to the minds of the academy members. I’m sure Matty was great in “True Detective.” Not saying he wasn’t, but all I’ve read is bloggers talking about how good he was in “Dallas Buyers Club” for which he was awarded this year’s Oscar for Best Actor. Now with his role on this show people talk about his versatility. So more than likely the rest of the nominees will be outshined by that Oscar gold and Matthew will take home the Emmy.

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series:


Lizzy Caplan, “Masters of Sex”
Claire Danes, “Homeland”
Michelle Dockery, “Downton Abbey”
Julianna Marguiles, “The Good Wife”
Kerry Washington, “Scandal”
Robin Wright, “House of Cards”

SHOULD WIN: Michelle Dockery Michelle Dockery Michelle Dockery Michelle Dockery Michelle Dockery Michelle Dockery Michelle Dockery Michelle Dockery Michelle Dockery Michelle Dockery Michelle Dockery Michelle Dockery Michelle Dockery Michelle Dockery. She is the bread and butter of “Downton Abbey.” She brings so much light on to the screen and man, she really reels you in. Michelle is a wonderful actress and I think it’s time she gets some recognition from the Emmys!

WILL WIN: Robin Wright. I have not seen the second season of HoC, but if she is anything like she is in the first season, this Emmy would be much well deserved. She won the Golden Globe last year so it really wouldn’t be a huge shock for her to win.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series:


Jim Carter, “Downton Abbey”
Josh Charles, “The Good Wife”
Peter Dinklage, “Game of Thrones”
Mandy Patinkin, “Homeland”
Aaron Paul, “Breaking Bad”
Jon Voight – “Ray Donovan”

SHOULD/WILL WIN: Aaron Paul. He was won this award twice for playing this character. It still boggles me that Jesse Pinkman was originally supposed to be killed off, but Vince Gilligan was so impressed with his performance, he chose to keep him on. Best fucking decision ever. Jesse Pinkman is one of the best written and personified characters I have ever seen. It is a true blessing to be able to watch Aaron Paul on the screen in his masterpiece performance on “Breaking Bad.”  

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series:



Christine Baranski, “The Good Wife”
Joanne Forgott, “Downton Abbey”
Anna Gunn, “Breaking Bad”
Lena Headley, “Game of Thrones”
Christina Hendricks, “Mad Men”
Maggie Smith, “Downton Abbey”

SHOULD/WILL WIN: Anna Gunn. Lena Headley, so fucking cool in GoT. Weird and nasty as fuck, but she’s awesome. Maggie Smith is the coolest old lady ever. I wish she was my neighbor or something. We’d drink whiskey and laugh at all the basics all day long. But none of them could match up Anna Gunn this season in “Breaking Bad.” I hated Skylar White. Like, I was waiting for her slow and painful death. But as the seasons progressed, the more I liked her, and then I eventually loved her. She won the Emmy last year and I see one more trophy being added to her china cabinet.

WHEW! That was a long one. *that’s what she said. AHHHHH ;p*

Those were a lot of categories, but I committed and wrote my predictions for all of them! Watch the Emmys on Monday, August 25th and see how well my predictions were!



WILT: Best Day Ever by Mac Miller



Far-go and watch this show!

“This is a true story. The events depicted took place in Minnesota in 2006. At the request of the survivors, the names have been changed. Out of respect for the dead, the rest has been told exactly as it occurred.”

Fargo, the original FX TV series is one of those shows which took me a couple episodes to get into. While it is based on the Academy Award winning 1996 film, it is not a continuation nor is it a prequel/sequel. It is its own show with its own plot.

I have to admit. I am a little late on posting this blog. I finished watching the show a while ago but I got super busy with a lot of random things and kind of forgot to finish it. But anywho.

This miniseries was so fun to watch. The references to the movie on which it is based were really fun to find. *Note* one does not need to have seen the movie to understand the show. Like I said, they are separate as far as plot goes, but there are a few references where the joke would only be understood if you have seen the movie.

Fargo takes place in current times. The plot revolves around a series of murders caused by Lorne Malvo and Lester Nygaard. Deputy Molly Solverson leads the investigation in a story which keeps the viewer in a state of limbo wondering which side to root for. That’s all you’re getting from me because no way am I giving you more details which might ruin the ending (which was crazy btdubs) 😉

The show was a bit graphic when it came to the murder scenes. Then again, I don’t think a real murder is something pretty to look at. But even so, the ogre added to the authenticity. There were scenes where I was cringing, but still really entertained. So it wasn’t totally unbearable but if you’re squeamish, I’d say you should be prepared to look away.

Aside from an intricate plot and an awesome script, the show was really carried by some damn good acting. Those North Dakota accents. Yah, they were darn tootin spaht ahn(spot on) dontcha know? Screen legend Billy Bob Thornton was a calm yet chilling and sadistic lead villain as Lorne Malvo. It’s hard to not enjoy his screen time, even though he’s the bad guy. At the start of the show Martin Freeman was the harmless and cowardly butterfly Lester Nygaard, but by the end of the show he’s a mental train wreck unresentful murderer who couldn’t give two shits about who was in his way. Freeman is best known for his roles in The Lord of the Rings trilogy and more recently for his role as Dr. Henry Watson in the BBC series Sherlock. Talk about range. Deputy Solverson played by the very talented Allison Tolman was one of my favorite characters. She seems simple and sweet but she is so dedicated to her work. From the beginning of the crime to the very last day she doesn’t let up and is gunning to get her perp. I found myself being so annoyed with her at times, but the very next scene I was wishing she was back on.

There were also various other actors who made prominent appearances on the show. Police Chief Bill Oswalt played by Bob Odenkirk is best known for his work on a little show called Breaking Bad where he played criminal lawyer Saul Goodman. BETTER CALL SAUL! Collin Hanks, yes Hanks as in Forrest Gump Tom Hanks. Collin is his son. He plays Deputy Solverson’s love interest Officer Gus Grimly. And one other person I want to highlight is Russell Harvard who plays Mr. Wrench. Harvard, who plays a hitman trying to catch Lester Nygaard, is a Austin native who just happens to be a buddy of mine! Any time he was on screen I would get really excited. But then I came to see how good of an actor he really is and got even more excited.

Fargo was a great show. I rate Fargo a 9.3 out of 10. The show has gone on to receive great reviews and earned XX 2014 Emmy nominations. Freeman, Hanks, Thorton, and Tolman all received acting nominations while the show itself earned a nomination for Outstanding Mini Series. Not sure when the show will be up on Netflix but if you see any reruns, I highly recommend you watch it.

Governating My Mind With Music

gov action

Photo by Patrick Beeger, courtesy of The Governors FB page.

You know those times where someone sends you a link to a new band or a song? Sometimes it’s worth a listen but in most cases, the link is ignored or clicked and not really paid attention to.

Recently a friend of mine, Steffen, sent a message with a link to his band’s new EP on iTunes. I’ve heard some of his stuff before but have never really given his band a chance. So in support of new music and my friend, I bought the EP.

And I was incredibly impressed.

Go-Go Dancing by The Governors is a classic garage band style of alternative rock. If Modest Mouse and Blink-182 had a baby, and that baby came only in the form of sounds, this band is what it would sound like.

While the album only has 5 tracks, the entire 17 minutes kept me entertained.

I know you’re likely thinking, “Well of course you’re gonna like it. It’s your friend’s band and you don’t wanna upset him.” Well yes of course I’d hate to upset him but my critique is honest. I really did enjoy it. I’m more a fan of electronic alternative rock but this album by no means was not enjoyable. I wanted more after the last song played. So I listened to it again. Twice more actually.

Let me say this, living in Austin, it’s virtually impossible not to hear an up and coming band. In Austin the amount of exposure a growing band can get is tremendous. There are hundreds of local bands who all yearn to be headlining the various music festivals. What I seem to find many times is that these groups lack one very important factor, proper music composition. There have been instances where I listen to a demo CD or even at a live show and the music is heavily relying on only vocals or the lead guitar. The Governors’ music composition was quite professional, a 9 out of 10. It’s an complex mix of instruments and vocals which plays out so simple and clean. This band definitely knows which musical combinations work. There is a lot of thought put in to the music and it clearly shows. The best example is in the song “Go Go Dancing.”


Lyrically I give the album an 8 out of 10. I’m a huge fan of poetic lyrics. The kind where you listen to the words and create an image as opposed to that crap Justin Bieber sings. “Swag on you, chillin by the fire while we eatin’ fondue.” like wtf is that? Honestly. Anyway. This album’s lyrics are pretty good but sometimes the lyrics were a little too sweet for my taste. The track “Monster,” my personal favorite from the EP, had the best lyrics. “All your troubles trouble us. You’re the monster among us. Your mind’s a freaking mess.” Occasionally there are some questionable syntax errors but I may just be too critical. But then again these dudes are likely speaking in German while they write these songs. So it’s understandable.

Wait what? GERMAN? HOW? WHY? The group is based out of Aschaffenburg, Germany. That’s right y’all, those English lyrics are sung and written by Germans!

Also, the album art is pretty cool too. Very neon. The cute lil shoe. Much attracting. So wow. 9 out of 10

gogo dancing

Photo courtesy of The Governors FB page.

Band members include:
Felix Debor: drums
Christoph Sauer: guitar and vocals
Christian Staab: guitar
Steffen Zenglein: bass and vocals

The band has been together for four years. Go-Go Dancing is their first EP on iTunes but the group has a full length album titled “Inauguration” which was released in 2012.

My rate of this EP is an 8.8 out of 10. Great music, good vocals, fun to listen to. It’d be a 9 or 10 if there were more songs ;). I’m not being sponsored by these guys but I definitely recommend you go buy their EP. It’s only $4. Plus you’re supporting a great band. So go do it and you can thank me later!


Check them out on iTunes, Spotify, Facebook, and YouTube!


The Governors – Go Go Dancing



WILT: Coming of Age by Foster the People

World Cup 2014 Favorites

Just like you did in high school, here are the class favorites for the top two world cup teams as voted by yours truly.







































Yeah some people were on there twice, but c’mon. Look at Lavezzi..I mean seriously bro? SAVE SOME HANDSOME FOR THE REST OF THE WORLD.




WILT: Some Like it Hot by The Power Station


Soccer Hair Swag #swag

Let’s face it, out of any professional sports league, soccer players have the best sense of style. Hands down. The World Cup being one of the most watched sporting events, many of these players decide to step up their game. But how can they express their style when they have to wear their uniform? One word…hair.

Now while writing this blog entry I realized something. I went from doing a critique of the top 16 to the top 4…where was the top 8? No lie, I just plain forgot. I didn’t even think about it until this morning. But whatever oh well let’s go k bye.
Soccer players have some pretty awesome hair, seriously. Christiano Ronaldo, David Beckham, the entire French team, all have really stylish hairstyles. Unfortunately none of them made it to the top 4 of the tournament. David Beckham isn’t even on a team…yeah.

So from the Argentine, Brazilian, Dutch, and German teams, I looked through each player and made my decisions. And the results showed….*pause for anticipation*….very few of them had notable hairstyles. And now you’re thinking “WELL DIDN’T YOU JUST SAY THAT SOCCER PLAYERS HAV-” YES I KNOW WHAT I SAID, CHILL! There are many players with great styles but these teams have some players with hair that is just..alright. So here are the top 5 players of the top 4 with the best hair:

5. Mesut Özil, Germany

Homeboy has a lot of hair. Even hairline, thick, trimmed on the sides, styled up and swept to the left. Nice..

4. Ron Vlaar, Netherlands

Yes, shaved is a style. (I currently rock it myself) It suits him well.

3. Marcelo, Brazil

All I could find were sad pictures of him from the Germany game. #ouch But his hair is crazy and fun.

2. Robin Van Persie, Netherlands

Shaved on the sides, clean edges, great hairline, thick locks that are pushed towards the back. Very European, very classy

1. Ezequiel Lavezzi, Argentina

No contest. This dude knows wassup. Trimmed sides, hair softly spiked, and extra EXTRA points for that beard. As a beard owner myself, I can tell you that this man knows how to take care of a beard. But overall his hair is pretty great.

I wish I could have had more examples of the AWESOME hair this World Cup, but these four teams only had a select few who made the cut. No pun intended 😉

WILT: Daydreamer by Young the Giant

OHHHH SAY CAN YOU SEEEEEEEEEE that I love National Anthems?

So I’m a little late in this edition of my 2014 World Cup blog post. I meant to post when the top 16 were selected, but I got a little busy. With what? None of your damn business.

In continuation of my anti-typical World Cup posts about team analytics/statistics, this post is about the national anthems from each of the top 16 nations. Now let me point something out before I even get into it. I have a weird thing for national anthems. I like them. I like national pride. I like music. National Anthems are the best of both of those things. So needless to say I already have my own list of favorites. My top 3 are the Russian, Mexican, and Canadian national anthems (in that order). Since Mexico is part of the top 16, they are automatically the winner. Deal with it. But here’s a quick summary of each song and my favorite line from the lyrics. IN ORDER FROM FAVORITE TO LEAST:

*I skipped accents because I am lazy and..yeah whatever

Mexico, a war hymn! Wanna fight Mexico? THEN BRING IT BRAH! WE GOT SOLDIERS IN ALL OUR PEOPLES N SHIT. BRING IT! Upbeat and uplifting tune. Awesome lyrics. Think-Oh beloved Fatherland! That heaven has given you a soldier in every son. (Piensa- Oh Patria Querida! Que el cielo, un soldado en cada hijo te dio)

USA, it’s the same tempo the whole time, but it’s mostly what the anthem is about more so than the words. It’s an anthem about watching your country get attacked, but not letting that attack take you down. It’s a proud and joyous anthem. A bit obscure tbh, but it still leaves an impact. Always bring a tear to my eye, and when sung in unison with a large crowd, forget it. I’m a mess. And the rockets red glared, the bombs bursting in air, gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.

*nobody does it better than this. Whitney’s version is iconic y’all

Costa Rica, Wonderful tune! Very proud of the country and speaks so beautifully of the people. Costa Rica is real cute, just sayin. Your sons, simple farm hands, gained eternal renown esteem and honor.(Conquistaron tus hijos labriegos sencillos, eterno prestigio estima y honor.)

Greece, I may not be the happiest with Greece, (they knocked out my favorite team from the competition 😦 #LesElephants) but the anthem is very nice. Slow, but builds up nicely. From the Greeks of old whose dying brought to life and spirit free now with ancient valor rising, let us hail you, oh Liberty! Apó tous Élli̱nes ti̱s paliás tou opoíou pethaínei éfere sti̱ zo̱í̱ kai to pnév̱ma eléf̱thero tó̱ra me ti̱n archaía andreía af̱xánetai, afí̱ste mas na sas chalázi, oh Liberty!

Algeria, sung line by line, very traditional tune, but prideful lyrics. That we have risen up, and whether we live or die, we are resolved that Algeria shall live on!

Brazil, long into, fun tune and pretty patriotic. Brazil, an intense dream, a vivid ray of love and hope descends to earth (Brasil, um sonho intenso, um raio vivido, de amor e de esperanca a terra desce)

France, one of the most recognizable national anthems, very graphic cuz they wanna make a point to NOT fuck with them. To arms, citizens! Form your battalions! (Aux armes, citoyens! Formez vos batallions!)

Colombia, builds up nicely a lot of lyrics of triumph. In furrows of pain, goodness now germinates (En sucros de dolores, el bien germina ya)

Chile, talks a lot about the imagery of Chile’s land. I feel like I’m there, you know? #notreally. Either you’ll be the tomb of the free, or the refuge against oppression (Que o la tumba seras de los libres, o el asilo contra la opresion)

Germany, a little slow, but I love an anthem about unity and pride. When, for protection and defense, it always takes a brotherly stand together (Wenn es stetes zu Schutz und Trutze Bruderlich zusammernhalt)

Uruguay, SUPER long intro like an entire minute of intro. Damn Uruguay chill. This is the vow that our souls take, and which we know how, courageously, to fulfil! (Es el voto que el alma pronuncia y que hericos sabremos cumplir!)

Argentina, long and slow (lol :p) but it’s such a drag, And the free ones of the world reply: “To the Argentine people, hail!” (Y los libres del mundo responden: “Al gran pueblo argentino, salud!”)

Belgium, eh, it’s not bad, pretty slow though. Noble Belgium, oh dear mother, to you we stretch our hearts and arms. (Noble Belgique, o mere cherie, a toi nos coueurs, a toi nos bras) #waffles

Switzerland, ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ boring, sounds very church hymn from the 1500s, why? Because the whole song is about Jesus and his family and his neighbors and everything else related to him and such. When the Alps glow brigs with splendor, pray to God, to Him Surrender. (Wenn der Aplenfirn sich rotet, betet, freie Schweizer, betet.)

Nigeria, weird tune and I don’t really care for the lyrics, it sounds like a church hymn. But Beyonce sang it one time and it was pretty. But shit Beyonce could sing “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” and it’d probably sound amazing. The labour of our heroes past, shall never be in vain.

Netherlands, fuck them, fuck everything about them and their tulips and windmills and wooden shoes. The anthem is super slow and boring. (THERE ARE NO GOOD LYRICS IN THIS ANTHEM)

Like I said, I have a thing for anthems. It’s weird I know, but hey people have weirder things that they like.

WILT: Anthem sung by Josh Groban

As I was editing this up on WordPress, I had this song in mind and started listening to it. It’s not an actual anthem, but if it were, it would be my absolute favorite one ever in the history of forever. This song is from the musical Chess. “Anthem” is sung by a man who is talking about his love for his country and how he only wishes to make her proud. It’s majestic, the ascending orchestrations are FANTASTIC and ugh it’s a fucking show stopper. Enjoy this plz! Let man’s petty nation’s tear themselves apart. My land’s only borders lie around my heart.

My Eyes Adored Jersey Boys


Like comparing a movie adaptation of a book the same goes for a screen version of a stage musical. It’s certainly not gonna be the same. Sometimes it’s better, sometimes worse, and sometimes it’s mostly the same. Chicago and West Side Story were better than the stage versions. Guys and Dolls was not as good as the stage original. Les Mis was about the same. Jersey Boys was…good.

I love the stage version of Jersey Boys. It is the second best stage musical I have ever seen, and I’ve seen quite a few. (Spring Awakening is my number one.) When I first heard there was going to be a movie version, I freaked the fuck out. I was so excited I literally gasped very VERY loudly. Needless to say I had high expectations for this film.

The film was released 6/20/2014 and you already know my musical loving ass was there on opening day. WELL, before I continue on with my critique I have to point out a major bias. I have seen the Broadway original and therefore knew the plot of the entire movie. So of course I absolutely loved it. But trying to separate it from the stage show and think of the movie independently is kind of hard. But I am going to compare, and I am going to think of the movie on its own. SO CHILL.

While I usually give my rating at the end of the blog, I’ll give my rating now and explain my reasons following. The Jersey Boys movie gets an 8 out of 10. The stage show is a clear 10 out of 10, but the movie was mild bit underwhelming.

Jersey Boys is a jukebox musical which tells the story of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. Each of the four original members gets their chance to tell the story. So from start to finish we are narrated by one member at a time. From the creation of the band to the last time they performed together, the Jersey Boys story is the biography of the popular American band. Some notable hit songs include “Sherry,” “December 1963 (Oh What a Night),” “Walk Like a Man,” “Big Girls Don’t Cry,” and many more. Unlike most musicals, the story doesn’t just use music to tell the story. The story is ABOUT the music. It’s ultimately a biography of The Four Seasons. This musical is one of my favorites because of that. I like a fun campy/cheesy musical, but I love when a show can use the music intricately and in a way that invites me into the story. The best way to describe watching Jersey Boys is to say it’s like watching a biopic within a concert. Anytime the viewer hears a song it is because it is being performed FOR the audience. It’s not relying on a musical number to get a certain point across.

Clearly not all elements can remain the same when transitioning from stage to the screen. There was a certain something that was missing. Idk, the special spice that entranced me while watching the stage show wasn’t there. Many of the transitions were different, songs were cut, and in an odd way there seemed to be less character development. It wasn’t hard to watch or anything, but for those fans of the stage show, it was noticeable. But with those flaws aside, the freedom of movie magic really played to the advantage of Jersey Boys. There were scenes from the stage production where the audience had to use their imagination to create the full image of the scene. With a movie camera, these scenes were brought to reality. “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” is awesome live on stage, but in the movie, it truly is a show-stopping number. Absolutely wonderful. I also loved how the fourth wall was broken so seamlessly. And the final musical number was UGHHHHHHH YESS EVERYTHING. I won’t spoil it, you’ll have to see for yourself.  

There was nothing really technologically fantastic about this film. The camera angles were pretty standard, some cool shots and smooth camera movement. And the editing was awesome. When a scene would change from one to the other, it was so clean and sharp. No rough cuts. Also, props to the makeup team for this film. Man y’all make some young ass guys look old AF.

But technical elements aside, other than the amazing music, the movie was really carried by some incredible performances. John Lloyd Young reprised his role as Frankie Valli. Young won the Tony Award for Best Lead Actor in a Musical for his portrayal of Valli in the original Broadway production of Jersey Boys. I personally saw Young as Valli in NYC during his small return to the show in 2013 and he is just as amazing a singer live as he is on the soundtrack. I think he’s a bit older now to be playing Frankie Valli and his voice has definitely matured, but even so, he’s a great personification of Valli. Michael Lomenda is a great Nick Massi. Not a huge character in the story but still his character is pretty entertaining. Erich Bergen IS Bob Gaudio. I mean this dude really played the role so well. I really enjoyed his performance and I was excited any time he was on screen. All these actors have portrayed their onscreen character on the stage at least once during their careers. All except Vincent Piazza who played Tommy DeVito. My God. For his first musical role, this guy really nailed it. I mean he fucking knocked it out of the park. His portrayal of the brains behind The Four Seasons was absolutely beautiful. His singing voice is incredible, his Jersey accent is perfection (he gets extra help from that since he’s also on Boardwalk Empire). For me, Vincent Piazza stole the show. Tommy DeVito is such an interesting character and he’s so fun to watch. I want to call it now, Piazza is going to be on top 10 lists by the end of the film season. I even think I see some awards coming his way. Christopher Walken also is in the film as Gyp DeCarlo, a loan-shark and supposed mafia man. His comic relief was pretty fun.


Surprisingly, yet not, this film is directed by Clint Eastwood. Why him? Did it work well? Well I don’t really think so. His film aesthetic is very opposite the colorful story that is Jersey Boys. You think of a movie musical and you think the bright colors of Broadway. A lot of the story seemed much more serious and there was a vibrance that was missing. Clint Eastwood is a serious movie actor/director. He doesn’t seem like the first person who’d be chosen to direct. And while Jersey Boys isn’t the typical musical, Eastwood made it really feel like it wasn’t a musical at all. I don’t want to say much else in the extremely rare case Mr. Eastwood were to see this, (if you are reading this, hey sir, I’d love a job and I’m a real good worker and I like movies and thanks :)))))) )but as great and wonderful as a director he is, I don’t think he was the best choice for Jersey Boys.

Go see it tho. I really love the story and the soundtrack is AWESOMMEEEEEEE. This musical is a story everyone can enjoy. I know some people who have seen it and were not fans of that style of music, but left Jersey Boys really wanting to hear more. It’s a fun break from the standard musical the world is used to. Check it out and enjoy the story of Jersey Boys


WILT: Jersey Boys at the Tony Awards

This is not actually what I was listening to, but whatever you can’t control me. This is a clip from the 2006 Tony Awards where Jersey Boys won the award for Best Musical. Check out an amazing performance by John Lloyd Young and the cast of Jersey Boys!

NEW JERSEY! (no not the ratchet state..)

In case you live under a rock, or don’t get out much, or don’t have internet, or don’t have friends, or are poor and don’t have a TV with cable, or just simply are dead, you know that the FIFA World Cup is currently going on. This month long event is by far the most watched sporting event in the history of sports. In recent years, the audience for the final games have averaged over 700 MILLION viewers. WHAT? Yeah it’s huge.

Soccer fans from all over the world gather together during this time and root for their favorite teams to win. Some people choose teams based off of their cultural backgrounds. Some choose based on particular players. But some choose teams based on…fashion? It has been a growing trend for sporting equipment companies to design creative national uniforms for soccer teams. Designs change year to year but when the World Cup rolls around, the design game is on point. So I’ve decided to rank the jerseys of the 32 teams participating in the 2014 FIFA World Cup.

Before you read this and think all I care about are whose jersey looks the coolest, let me say this; I am a soccer fan. I do not follow any particular club team though I occasionally watch some club games. I do have some favorite players. I am more a fan of national level soccer, and I have a clear understanding of how soccer is played. I played soccer from age three until I was seventeen. It’s the sport I played the longest and it probably the one I was best at. But I feel jerseys are a more relatable topic and it’s a fun break from the typical World Cup talk which usually only details statistics and what not.

ANYWHO, here we go. I ranked each jersey from 1-10, 10 being the highest. Then I arranged them by rank and critiqued each one. I based my choices off of choice of color, patriotism (does it reference the national flag?), and physical design. I also only looked at home************** kits. (A Kit is the entire uniform, jersey, shorts, and socks.) I included pictures for the top 10 only because putting in pictures for all the others would have been a lot of work and I’m not about to do that so whatever bye.

In order from worst to best, let’s go:

32. Greece. By far the most boring jersey. Like did the designer even try? The Greek colors are so iconic, yet this jersey is so BORING. #lame #goaway

31. Chile. Again, super boring, it’s white with a little bit of blue and red. OH FANCY.

30. Honduras. It’s blue. That’s it.

29. Bosnia/Herzegovina. First of all, where the fuck is this place? #irrelevant Secondly, it’s just blue and white. I mean at least it has some color. (UNLIKE GREECE.)

28. Nigeria. This green with white stripes combo is fine, but there’s not much else to it.

27. Belgium. Eh, this jersey isn’t terrible, but just boring. The collar is cool in that it’s two toned yellow and black, but other than that it’s not very memorable.

26. Japan. It’s royal blue. Not sure why, but it is. Not ugly, but I don’t necessarily get it.

25. Algeria. Green. Pistachio green. Boring, but I like pistachios.

24. Switzerland. The red and white kid are clean and have the right amount of color accents. White on red, red on white.

23. Cote d’Ivoire. This is my favorite team. Why? Because I was a bandwagon fan at the 2010 world cup when their Jerseys were UH-MAZING. They had this huge elephant on the shoulder and UGH it was beautiful. But this year’s version is kind of boring. There are cool details on the shoulders and under the arm sleeves, but that’s basically it. Pretty bland.

22. Costa Rica. The fun blue design on the front of the shirt is..fun. But eh, the rest is okay.

21. Italy. The stripes are cool, I wish there was more green, but not a bad jersey.

20. Ecuador. The blue and red accents are eye catching.

19. England. The red and white kid is an obvious note to the flag. Red is one of my favorite colors, so this gives the kit a little boost, but it’s pretty either way.

18. Russia. I like how it fades into the blue on the shoulders, nice.

17. France. Some have voted this as the best kit in the entire world cup, but if it were not for the French seal and red socks, I’d have no idea this was France. The white collar is cool, yes, but I am just not blown away with this kit. Not bad though.

16. Ghana. TAKE NOTE STUPID GREECE, this jersey is entirely white and boring then BAM! Shoulders. Those patches on the collar are pretty damn cool. It’s fun to see a black star on there somewhere (in reference to their nickname and the star on the flag) but it’s still a fun jersey.

15. Brazil. Very traditional Brazil. The dip on the collar gives it flare, I like it.

14. Spain. Burgundy/red, very royal. The gold accents are a cool touch.

13. Uruguay. I like the black and blue combo. Looks great on the field and the yellow lines give it a cool touch.

12. Argentina. A good take on the traditional vertically striped Argentine jersey. The touches of black are cool and the black shorts with light blue are pretty cool.

11. Netherlands. Oranje! The fitted-ness of the shirt, the high v-neck, the eye catching color, no reference to the flag, but still traditional and eye catching.


10. Portugal. I love the mixed red tones and the horizontal stripes. I’d like some green in there to reference the flag, but honestly.. really anything Cristiano Ronaldo wears is going to look great so..yeah.

Image9. South Korea. I love the deep red and blue accents. The colors are a reference to the Korean flag and it’s very evident.


8. Colombia. Really an eye-pleasing jersey. The bright yellow accented with diagonal black stripes is clean and sharp looking.


******7. USA. At first I only saw the jersey, and I was not a fan. Not one bit. But the entire kit as a whole is actually pretty fucking awesome. Especially on the field. Obviously patriotic, looks like an upside down bomb pop, but that’s just okay



6. Germany. HEY GREECE. This is how you design a white jersey, the chevron shades of red are eye catching and aesthetically pleasing. A bit more gold would have made this a top 3.


5. Australia. Very traditional. Very patriotic. Great collar. Socceroos!


4. Iran. National colors, clean, and A FUCKING CHEETAH!!! That’s awesome.


3. Cameroon. The design on the shirt is fantastic. It is inspired by cave paintings. The red on the shoulder is a great pop of color.


2. Croatia. YAAASSSS. I live for this design. Patriotic? Yes. Colorful? Yes. Fun to look at? DEFINITELY. Awesome Jersey.


1. Mexico. Alright alright I know what you’re thinking. “Oh you’re Mexican of course you like the Mexican jersey.” Well yes that’s true, but c’mon, look at it. It’s traditional green, but the red and white lightning-esqe designs on the front are AWESOME. And the fact that they meet in the middle where the seal is placed makes it even better. The white shorts with the red stripes just puts the icing on the cake. This jersey is fucking beautiful. I love a traditional design and this just screams patriotism. I can’t wait to wear mine at the next game.


The World Cup is incredibly fun to watch and I encourage you to do so. But watch it in Spanish. :p Watching in English is kind of boring. I personally think Brazil or Germany will win the whole thing, but of course I’m also rooting for Mexico, USA, Spain, and the Ivory Coast.



******UPDATE 5:19 pm. The previous version of this post had the USA away kit instead of the home kit. The home kit is a plain white boring kit with red accents on the sleeves and collar. Boring. I rank it somewhere between Bosnia and Honduras. I’M SORRY 😦


**************UPDATE 5:30 pm After some further research, it has come to my attention that many of the jerseys I originally looked at were also not the home jerseys. So instead of going back and fixing all of this, I leave my blog as it is. Some jerseys are better than the ones I looked at but, eh, oh well. This is what I get for being lazy and looking at a previously compiled list of pictures instead of researching on my own. YOU LIVE AND YOU LEARN PEOPLE!


WILT: La Copa de Vida by Ricky Martin

This was the official World Cup son of the 1998 tournament in France. The English version is weird and stupid, but the Spanish version is powerful, fun, and iconic. Here’s Ricky performing live. Well…”live” lol.

My BFF Maleficent


Last night I went to see Maleficent. I didn’t hate it, but I also was a bit disappointed by it. It’s good stand alone movie, very predictable, but still decently done. When compared to the 1959 film, from which it is based on, it leaves the viewer in a state of frustration and confusion. Here’s why:

Sleeping Beauty is one of Disney’s most iconic fairy tales ever. Princes Aurora is on almost every single piece of Disney Princess memorabilia, and her story is known worldwide. Maleficent is a bad bitch. She don’t give NO fucks and is evil just cuz…or so we thought. Maleficent tells the background story of the famous villain in the same way the stage musical Wicked does. The story is tied in with the Disney version, but there are quite a few changes. No, there are MANY changes, like it’s almost entirely different.

In the original Disney version, Maleficent shows up to King Stefan’s castle on the day of Princess Aurora’s christening celebration. Three fairies are giving her magical gifts when Maleficent comes in to fuck shit up. For no apparent reason, other than not being invited to the bad ass party, she casts a spell on the baby saying she will grow up and on her 16th birthday she “will prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and die!” This part was always a favorite of mine because it was so dramatic that it was kind of funny. Anyway, so then she vanishes with her bff and spy, a crow, and bam she’s gone. One of the fairies goes up to the baby and since she hadn’t given her a magical gift, she decides her gift will be to not let Aurora die, but to fall into a deep sleep which can only be broken by true love’s kiss. #omg #noway

I’m hoping you all know the rest of the story but just in case, here’s the short version. King Stefan tells the fairies to take her into the woods to a cottage where they will raise her until she’s 16 and a day old. That way Maleficent won’t harm her before then and the curse won’t happen. This dude clearly doesn’t understand prophecies, they happen as they are told, you can’t change them bro. Well Aurora grows up, but all this time Maleficent has been wanting to find her but she never does. She sends her crow to find her. He does. Aurora is out in the wilderness one day, singing a song, when she runs in to Prince Phillip. They sing together, dance a little, they look into each other’s eyes and get all hot, then he leaves. On Aurora’s 16th birthday Maleficent finds her, hypnotizes her into going to the castle, lures her to a spinning wheel and bam, night night Princess Aurora, who at this point we can call the “Sleeping Beauty.” Get it? It’s cuz she’s asleep now 😛 Maleficent is all excited that her plan worked out and she even finds out about Prince Phillip, who she locks in a dungeon so he won’t be all up in the business meddling and what not. But then he’s freed by the fairies. He’s set on finding Maleficent and fighting for the girl he loves, you know, the one he had just met a few days prior. He finds her and is ready to fight. She’s just gonna use some magic to kill him when all of a sudden the faeries turn her crow into stone. Oh hell naw, Maleficent is like “WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT YOU GUYS?” So she turns into a dragon, fights, loses, Prince Phillip kisses Aurora and yay the day is saved.

That wasn’t very short, but it’s all important. Why? Because basically NONE of that happened in the movie Maleficent. Here’s the entire plot, spoilers ahead (obvi).

Maleficent is actually a fairy herself. But a human sized fairy, not a tiny lil cute magical one. She lives in a free kingdom, called the Moors, which is right next to a kingdom ruled by a rude ass king. She has wings and horns. The horns were like the 1959 version, but the wings were something new. Not used to seeing them, but hey, I ain’t mad. One day she meets a young boy, she’s never seen a human up close this before, she’s intrigued. They chat for a bit and decide they’ll be friends. Oh, guess what is name is. C’mon take a wild guess. Ready? STEFAN. Yeah. I know. Okay, so they’re friends and there’s a montage of them growing up and being bffs, then one day when they’re teenagers, he gives her a gift which he calls…*dun dun dun* A TRUE LOVE’S KISS. WHAT. Similarities much? I was so excited cuz I could already see how Disney was tying in elements of the older movie. Time flashes forward to Maleficent as an adult, Angelina Jolie is now in the picture. She’s a protector of her lil kingdom and everything is peachy, except for one thing. Stefan hasn’t visited her in a long ass time. We find out he’s become a king’s guard or knight or some shit. He works for the castle/the king. The king goes to the Moors and wants to fight the supposed magic that lies within the kingdom. Maleficent shows up and tells him to leave, but homeboy wants to fight. So she calls upon her woodland friends to fight back with her. She wins, he is injured and retreats. Back at the castle he’s dying and says to the people around him, “avenge my death by bringing me her head, and whoever does so will be the next king.” Stefan is like “fuck yeah dude!” So he goes to the Moors, finds Maleficent, apologizes for not visiting in a while. They make up, hang for a bit, then he drugs her with some roofies or some shit. While she is knocked out he plans on killing her, but he feels guilty about it. So instead he cuts of her wings. Her big, beautiful, majestic wings. It’s the next day and she when she wakes up she’s in pain. She realizes what happened and starts screaming/crying. She picks up a stick and turns it in to a staff (this is the first time we realize she has magical abilities). As she’s walking around, the kingdom gets darker and sad. The creatures in the land are now scared of her. While she’s walking she stumbles upon a field where a man has captured a crow. She turns the crow into a man and he escapes. He runs into Maleficent and thanks her for transforming him. He vows to be in her service for anything she needs. This is the crow from the other story. One day while he is spying for her, he goes to the castle and sees that Stefan is now king. He returns to Maleficent and she is super pissed. He also tells her he is hosting a christening for a baby girl. Maleficent smirks and the next thing we see is the party. While the fairies are doing their thing (the magical gift thing), Maleficent shows up. King Stefan recognizes her and he is now super terrified.  She goes up to the baby and casts her curse, BUT it’s not the same one as the other story. Maleficent doesn’t curse her to die, but to “fall into a sleeplike death which no power on Earth could destroy.” Then she turns to the king and says there is only one thing that could break the spell….TRUE. LOVE’S. KISS. THE SAME MOTHA FUCKIN KISS HE TOLD HE GAVE HER WHEN THEY WERE KIDS. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. #drama

The story remains the same afterward, he tells the fairies to take of her and to live in the woods until the day after her 16th birthday.

But then things got REAL different. Maleficent watches her grow up. From baby to 16 year old. And they fucking become friends. F-R-I-E-N-D-S. Aurora even believes Maleficent is her fairy godmother. And when she asks her about it, she didn’t even say no!!! She is now very fond of her!!! NO! WHY IS SHE BEING NICE?! SHE’S A BAD BITCH WHO IS PURE EVIL >:| She even tries to take the curse away but like her spell states, no power on earth can destroy it. All this time, King Stefan is super paranoid. He’s going crazy. Then Aurora meets Phillip and blah blah blah, no singing this time. She goes to the fairies and tells them she wants to live in the woods with Maleficent. They freak out and tell her what she did. She confronts Maleficent and starts crying. She feels betrayed and heartbroken, but Maleficent doesn’t react (or at least she tries not to). Aurora runs away and heads to the castle. Oh by the way, this is her 16th birthday…King Stefan sees her and makes no reaction, he locks her in a room until it can be midnight when the cursed day passes. But Aurora is restless and wants to get out. She manages to escape but is right away hypnotized by the curse. She finds the spinning wheel and falls asleep. Maleficent is on her way to save her but she is too late. She is bringing Phillip so that his kiss can save her but his kiss fails. The fairies take him out and are on the search for someone else. Maleficent goes to her body, cries, says how sorry she is, kisses her forehead and WHAT DO YOU KNOW, SLEEPING BEAUTY WAKES THE FUCK UP. They make up and try to leave the castle. But King Stefan is ready. They have a huge battle, and while this is happening, Aurora finds Maleficent’s wings, releases them and magically they attach back on. She fights the king one on one. As they fight he falls off a tower and dies. Aurora becomes queen, the kingdoms unite and everyone is happy. Bye.

Ugh, well that was long but you needed to know all this before I could tell you how I felt about this movie. Look, it’s good, but really, how predictable was it? But most of all, why was it so happy? Like I mentioned earlier, Wicked stuck true to the story of The Wizard of Oz and had fun tie ins, but the witch still decided she was evil. The song “No Good Deed” is all about that. (look it up, it’s actually a great song) I was really hoping Disney would tell the dark story of Maleficent and how she became an entity of pure evil. They were on a great route with the Stefan broken love/friendship story line, but her being so cool with Aurora really bugged me. Yeah Aurora didn’t do anything to hurt Maleficent but still, evil is evil. Voldemort never showed any kind of kindness or empathy, he was just pure hate. The story should have stayed true to the previous one we know, but only told through the eyes of Maleficent. But nope, it was the sugary cute story of how Maleficent and Aurora became bffls.

Not all things were bad. The technical elements of the movie were great. The imagery and special effects were pretty on point. Very believable, very clean, and enticing to watch. Angelina Jolie was also great. She gave a cool persona to the Maleficent they were trying to convey. The score fit the movie well, the Lana del Rey cover of  “Once Upon a Dream” is of course awesome. But really I felt I was trying really hard to like the movie more than I did.

I liked it, but it certainly isn’t what I was expecting. I was very disappointed, but only because I had a pre-envisioned story in my mind. I give Maleficent a 5 out of 10. As a stand-alone film, not compared to the 1959 version, I don’t think it was that bad. But really I was just hoping for something much darker.



WILT: Bourgeois by Phoenix

Vlog on a blog, sincerity from Juice

I don’t typically talk about personal struggles with anyone really. Usually my mom and best friends are the only people I talk to about these things, but even at that, I typically try to keep emotions out of it. But lately I have been opening up a bit more. I share things that I don’t really feel comfortable sharing and it’s making me feel like a much better person. Guess that’s how we grow, huh? This blog is gonna be short, because I have attached a pretty long video to go along with it. I want to occasionally publish vlogs on this website. I’m a production major in school so I figured, why not get the practice? Plus my voice is magical. (kidding… ;P)

Anywho, this edition of Juice’s Judgements is about my view on a few things. Graduation, pleasing others, living up to expectations, and a bunch of random other things. I’m currently in my last two weeks of school and things are getting really crazy. Graduation is just around the corner and I have four finals, two of which are two parts having one of those parts be a take home portion, various homework assignments, getting my graduation stuff figured out (ceremony, dinner, family accommodations, etc), working, and of course trying to have a social life. But instead of laying out all the details, I’m going to try something crazy but I’m not posting what I talked about in the video for you to read. I want this video to be watched because I think it’s the best way to get the gist of what I’m trying to convey. This particular blog post is less of a judgement and more of a personal message. I may post a transcription of the vlog, but that will be when I am less busy haha. Here’s the video.

But I will say this, be proud of what you love. If you’re on a current path to success in a goal that you really desire, then thrive in it. Make the most of what you’re doing and take the good and bad things that come from it. I finally recognize that I am in the “figuring out life” stage of my life. I don’t know what path I’m going to take next, but I know God has something laid out for me. What that is, I have no idea, but maybe that’s exactly what’s supposed to happen.  I’m being really vague, I know. But watch the video.

Congrats to my fellow graduates, from whatever school you attended! You should be proud of your hard work and I personally commend you on finishing a section of your education. Thanks!

WILT: I’m Still Here, from the musical Follies, sung by Elaine Paige (I choose to listen to this version because it’s my favorite and I think she adds the best characterization to the song.)